Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
