So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
