she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
