YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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