Jerry, you need to find god
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
