I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
there's paper in my vomit.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
