I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
