The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Welp...herpes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
