we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
