Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
