I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
