I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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