Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
