I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
being pregnant is like rehab
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
