somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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