You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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