that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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