I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
