he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
