I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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