i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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