ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
