The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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