he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
