the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
