I puked a lego.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
