They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize