So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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