It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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