She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
