she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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