I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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