So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
