i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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