Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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