from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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