It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
