I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
