So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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