I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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