Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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