well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
