My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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