so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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