I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
