Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
