I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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