i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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