Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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