We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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