So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
