Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
