He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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