why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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