i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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