Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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