Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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