I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
