my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
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I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize