is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
