Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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