Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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