And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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