I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
3pm strippers are depressing
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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